It's Christmas. Merry Christmas and all, but it's also a time for me to take a look back at the past year and decide which of the fictional movies that I had come up with over the past year would be granted the honor of taking part of my fictional film awards. You see, I have been coming up with these fake films for the past 25 years and then handing out fake awards in one of three sets of awards. The earliest of these is the Awards for Motion Picture Services (AMPS), and since 2008 I have been letting the people around me play a part in deciding the list of films nominated for Best Picture for AMPS. Of the dozen or so movies that I had made up over the past year, I set aside four films that would be guaranteed nominations, and from the rest of the list I pick out three finalists that everybody else can vote on, and the winner gets the final spot in the AMPS Best Picture lineup that year. And this is where I will present the three films for this year and provide the SurveyMonkey link where you can vote on your winner. Now these are all fake movies, so I'll let you decide what factor would you focus on in casting your vote, but there will be a section where you can write your comments on these movies.
YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THESE MOVIES
THESE ARE MOVIES THAT I'VE MADE UP
NOBODY HAS SEEN THEM BEFORE BECAUSE THEY DON'T EXIST
EXCEPT IN MY OWN IMAGINATION
DON'T LET THAT STOP YOU FROM VOTING FOR ONE OF THEM
And in case my explanation is confusing, here are all of the previous finalist votes for your edification: 2008 2012 2013 2014 2015 2016 2017 2018 2019 2020 2021
Before I present this year's finalists, I do have one last housekeeping item to go through. I had posted the final list of Best Picture nominees for AMPS 2021. However, I had neglected to post the winners. This may have been because it was such an anticlimactic year, but since I had made the post of all of the AMPS winners dating back to 2000, I figure I should share what had won for 2021
Best Makeup: Wayside School: The Cloud of Doom
Best Visual Effects: Wayside School: The Cloud of Doom
Best Sound Effects: The Kings of the Road
Best Sound Mixing: We Cannot Live Without the Planet Pluto
Best Art Direction: Wayside School: The Cloud of Doom
Best Musical Score: The City in the Sky
Best Cinematography: Wayside School: The Cloud of Doom
Best Editing: Wayside School: The Cloud of Doom
Best Screenplay: Wayside School: The Cloud of Doom
Best Supporting Actress: Tammy Buyos (as Kathy), Wayside School: The Cloud of Doom
Best Supporting Actor: Pete Klao (as Mr. Kidswatter), Wayside School: The Cloud of Doom
Best Actress: Wilma Dent (as Mrs. Jewls), Wayside School: The Cloud of Doom
Best Actor: Richard Folston (as Carter Smith), The Kings of the Road
Best Director: George Cattell & Joe Lee, Wayside School: The Cloud of Doom
Best Picture: Wayside School: The Cloud of Doom
So yes, of the 15 categories Wayside School: The Cloud of Doom captured 11 of them. It's not quite as impressive as the original Wayside School (fictional) adaptation in 1996 which won 15/15, but it is still a mark that had been matched only five other times in the entire history of AMPS. Needless to say, Wayside School: The Cloud of Doom went on to sweep Best Picture in Movie Magazine Comedy (12/16) and L Awards (winning 18/24). The combined 41 wins in the three film awards currently ranks fourth all time, and by far the most since 2000.
Can any film match the sheer dominance of Wayside School: The Cloud of Doom? Probably not, but here are three that will at least hope to get into the Best Picture lineup for 2022.
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The Abel the Able-Bodied Rabbit Holiday Special
Rated PG-13
109 minutes
Abel the Able-Bodied Rabbit was the animated protagonist of the surprise box-office hit Able the Able-Bodied Rabbit in Executive Hijinks (which captured the final Best Picture nominee vote in 2020). Now the buff bunny returns with his furry friends in another biting satire into corporate culture. Having become established as a high-ranking executive, Abel is eager to help organize the holiday gift drive for the local orphanage sponsored by his company. However, he is shocked to find out that the gift drive was canceled by the board of governor's in order to secure Christmas bonuses for their administrative leadership, of which Abel is included. While Abel is able to continue the gift drive using his own Christmas bonus, he is determined to seek out the individual responsible for its cancellation. Meanwhile, little did he know the board of governor's were targeting him for his use of the Christmas bonus in a manner that benefits the little critters. The two sides are set on a path to collide in an explosive climax. Would it ruin the holidays?
The Taste of Death
Rated R
123 minutes
From Josh Redmond, the director of such comedy classics as Leadershit (2003) and A Chemist's Guide to Love & Revenge (2005) comes an anthology film that put the dark in dark comedy, with each of the three segments exploring the intersection between food and death. In the first segment, Max Scherling is a food scientist who discovers a new food additive that causes food to taste delicious beyond belief. Yet when early returns show that the new additive can greatly increase the risk of heart disease and stroke, Max actively works to suppress the results from reaching the public. In the second segment, Ji-eun is a Korean woman who is sentenced to death for poisoning her intellectual disabled son. As she spends time awaiting her execution she looks back at the events that would culminate in his death. In the final segment, two groups of three contestants in a prestigious cooking show began playing pranks on each other. As the competition progresses the pranks become more dangerous in nature until it inevitably leads to a death, which triggers an all-out war.
Three Men and Their Cat
Rated R
156 minutes
In the final days of the War in Europe, three young German officers go into hiding deep in the Alps, waiting for the day that the Third Reich is resurrected from its ashes and resume its plans for world domination. Over 50 years go by and the three have no contact with the outside world, with the only companions being each other and a cat that one of them found in 1992. In 1998, the trio shoots and kills a young hiker that wanders too close to their compound. While searching the young man's possessions, they find a poster for the World Cup of 1998 being held in France. They mistake it for the sign of a treasure that can be used to help revive the German empire. So bringing along their cat, they set off in an epic journey to France to claim the prize, but they find that things have changed dramatically over the span of 53 years.
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Well, here we are, the three films that you can vote on for the final Best Picture nominee spot. Once again these are not real movies, and once again I will be using SurveyMonkey to collect the responses. I hope to see your votes!
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