It's the New Year! Well, it's actually a couple days into the New Year, but it's good to know everything's already going to shit! Of course New Year's is also when I closed the voting for the final Best Picture nominee in the Academy of Motion Picture Services (AMPS), a fake award to honor fake movies that I make up for my fake country. And while voting was very close, one film did end up coming out to take the title. Which one was it? Well we'll find out after the break, along with the other four films with pre-ordained slot.
And just like last year, when I held a vote to determine what would win Best Picture at the AMPS, I'm doing the same this year, since as I had mentioned I didn't spend all that much time thinking about my fake movies. So after introducing the five competitors I will be embedding another survey form SurveyMonkey where you can vote for what you think should win Best Picture! Voting will go until January 14!
Anyways, in case this is confusing, here are the Best Picture lineup from previous years: 2023 2022 2021 2020 2019 2017 2016 2015 2013 2012 2011 2008
Also the usual disclaimer
YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THESE MOVIES
NOBODY HAS SEEN THEM BECAUSE THEY DO NOT EXIST
THESE ARE MOVIES THAT I MADE UP
BUT DON'T LET THAT STOP YOU FROM VOTING
Abel the Able-Bodied Rabbit in A Forbidden Romance
Rated R
107 minutes
Audience favorite Abel the Able-Bodied Rabbit makes his return in another animated fable satirizing the corporate culture. Following a breakup with his longtime cottontail girlfriend Bunny, Abel goes clubbing and meets Ruth, a sultry white rabbit that excites him, and they begin seeing each other. Meanwhile, a vacancy has opened in the company's board of directors, and Abel is nominated for the spot by his raccoon CEO. While interviewing with the chairman of the board, he finds out that the chairman is Ruth's father who strongly warns Abel against dating his daughter. As he tries distancing himself from Ruth, he finds that she isn't as eager to end things. Meanwhile Bunny expressed interest in a reconciliation. Can Abel find his way through this hare-y situation and advance his career?
Astros: Fallen Heroes
Rated R
137 minutes
The Heroes: Astros series continues nine years after the critically acclaimed Astros: The Lost Heroes. Fallen Heroes focuses on Jessica Kenner, the ex-wife of The Lost Heroes protagonist Justin Fuller. She achieves the pinnacle of her profession by being named the chief of police. However, her election was largely questioned due to accusations of nepotism from her marriage to her deceased second husband and former police chief Robert, much as her favorite baseball team was marred by a dramatic sign-stealing scandal prior to their World Series year. Her leadership is further questioned as a serial rapist begins plaguing the city. She must utilize all of her capabilities as she deals with this crisis, but thankfully she has members of the Houston Astros around to help.
End Stage Capitalism
Rated R
181 minutes
Director Hamelin Jacobs returns to filmmaking after a near-20 year absence with an allegory on economics that portray corporations and government entities as characters in an ensemble epic. Kerner Corporations and Astrid Limited are seeking a merger, one that would make them the largest medical suppliers in the nation. However, the Antitrust Division of the Department of Justice put a hold on the transaction, due to concerns of the creation of a monopoly. However, the Antitrust Division is feeling the pressure from other corporations hoping for similar mergers. Meanwhile not wanting to fall behind, competitor Canyon Corp is hoping to consummate the acquisition of the fading Kelvin Co. through a leveraged buyout. But the dying Kelvin Co. is not willing to go without a fight. Yet as the corporations get rich, the real losers become evident.
The Hitman's Elegy
Rated R
143 minutes
Max Rollins is an accomplished assassin whose killings has done everything from destabilizing governments to toppling business monopolies. Yet as he aged he had seen his skills surpassed by younger hitmen. As he is pondering retirement he received a job assassinating an important politician in an island nation in East Asia. As he prepares for the job, he is haunted by flashbacks of some of his more infamous killings and the domino effects that they had on others besides the targets. As these flashbacks become more common the closer to the planned time of the assassination, Max must fight them off as he tries to finish one last job. Perhaps it is time for him to retire, but he has to get the job done and make it out alive which is not a guarantee. .
A Journey Through Chinese History: The Baljuna Covenant
Rated R
195 minutes
A Journey Through Chinese History continues its 22nd season with an entire season dedicated to the life of legendary Mongolian leader Genghis Khan, and the feature film counterpart explores a crucial event in the khan's life. By 1203 Temujin had coalesced his power alongside his patron, the Wang Khan Toghrul. He had also entered into an uneasy peace with his former ally turned enemy Jamukha. Hoping to solidify his relationship with Toghrul, Temujin proposed a marriage between one of his sons and Toghrul's daughter. However, the elites of the Kerait tribe that Toghrul leads as well as Jamukha warned the elderly khan of Temujin's growing power, leading Toghrul to betray his vassal in a false acceptance, leading to Temujin's defeat in the Battle of Khalakhaljid Sands. Following the bitter battle Temujin retreated to the Baljuna where he reunited with his remaining followers. They swore an oath of loyalty, one that would have drastic consequences on the Mongolian steppes as well as China at large.
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There we go, the five nominees for Best Picture for AMPS 2024. And as I mentioned earlier, for only the third time you can vote for who you feel should take the title of Best Picture! Just go and vote for what you think should win in the poll below. How are you supposed to vote when these films don't exist? Well that's entirely up to you!
Create your own user feedback survey
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