Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, y'all! It's the holiday season which means it's time for an annual tradition of mine: when I begin bestowing awards to fake movies that I've come up with throughout the year. I'll admit I haven't thought of very many, especially since I spent a lot more time than I had anticipated on looking back at the 100 best fake movies I've come up with between 2000 and 2024. But I've come up with enough to go through with a newer tradition: to have you readers vote on the fifth and final film to receive a nomination in Best Picture for the first of my three fake film awards: the Awards for Motion Picture Services (AMPS). That's right, I've picked out four films that are locked in for a Best Picture nomination, and now it's your job to go through the three finalists and pick which one you feel should get the final nomination. I'll introduce the three finalists after the break, and then post a SurveyMonkey link to a poll where you can make your selection. As for what criteria should you use in making your selection? That's entirely up to you!
Anyways, just in case all that was confusing, here are the votes from previous years:
And in case you are hesitant to vote because you haven't seen these movies, here's a disclaimer
YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THESE MOVIES
THESE ARE MOVIES THAT I MADE UP
NOBODY HAS SEEN THESE MOVIES BECAUSE THEY DO NOT EXIST
EXCEPT IN MY OWN IMAGINATION
PLEASE DO NOT LET THAT STOP YOU FROM VOTING
Anyways, that's enough of an introduction. On to the finalists
The Ice
Rated R
121 minutes
Martin Briscoe and Joseph Walleye are star centers for the Teneford Hawkeyes, a junior hockey team. They have pushed each other in a friendly rivalry that has been going on for years. As they embark on their final season before the professional draft, they try to shut out all of the rumors about their rising draft stock. Yet that becomes more difficult as they play their games surrounded by professional scouts and hockey writers, not to mention the constant reminders from their billet families. As the stresses mount due to the Hawkeyes mired in a tense playoff race, their rivalry becomes less friendly and more bitter, to the point that it threatens to tear their team apart.
My First Best Life
Rated R
249 minutes
Arturo was born as a biological male in Italy in 1961, but as he grew up in the turbulent 60s and 70s he felt increasingly dissatisfied with his male gender, feeling more at ease with a female identity. Yet he kept this a secret from his religiously conservative family, especially as through most of his adolescence there was no legal pathway for a transgender individual to gain recognition. All that would change on Arturo's 21st birthday in 1982 when the Italian government passed a law that allowed for legal recognition of transgendered individuals. Arturo became determined to become legally recognized as a transgender female, but between the tacit disapproval of her family and lack of cooperation from her physicians, she finds the requirements to be much more arduous than she ever expected.
Still Happy
Rated R
118 minutes
The Johnson family: Edward, his wife Alice, and their three teenage daughters Chrissy, Misty, and Rosie, have long strived to be a beacon of hope and optimism within their community, as they frequently take part in community service and volunteer projects. Yet their lives change dramatically when Edward is laid off his high-paying job just as Alice is diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer. Chrissy ends up becoming pregnant after being raped by her boyfriend who promptly breaks up with her, while Rosie ends up becoming paraplegic in a car accident. As the family burns through their savings, they find that the community that they've spent so much effort helping had largely abandoned them. Can they remain optimistic through these troubled times?
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There you go, here are the three films. Vote for which you think is the most deserving. And while the second question is optional, I do appreciate any comments that you'd be willing to leave. The poll will be open until New Year's.
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